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Re: Being a best man...
My friend asked me tonight if I'd be be his best man at this wedding in 2 months, I said yes but inside I was thinking "oh fuck nooooooooooooooooooooo."
I dunno what the fuck to expect or what to do or not to do, can anyone offer me some advice and tips to make it as painless as possible?
My only plan so far is to just get super drunk and hope for the best...
Re: Being a best man...
Well as hard as this may be for some on this site to believe I've actually been the best man three different times for three different guys. It's possible that if a certain other three guys ever get married I'll be their best man as well...... Always the best man never the groom 
First of all chill out It's not hard. It doesn't have to be complicated. You don't have to do much. Plan the stag. That's your #1 job. You don't have to do it alone though. Get the other guys in the wedding party to help AND ask the groom what he wants to do. If he has something in mind go with that, just don't put the burden of planning any of it on him. Unless he wants to.
Secondly you'll probably have to do a speech of some sort. This is the scariest part for some people. For me it was a piece of cake and in all honesty I never prepared anything either time. I simply got up there an spoke with a goal in mind. First time I was going to make people laugh. Done. The place was like a comedy club. The second time I decided to make everyone cry. Done. Waterfall central. The last time I did a little of both. All three times were easy for me because I had a "goal" in mind and just winged it. Speaking in front of people has never been an issue for me and I've been doing it since highschool so..... I didn't worry about what I was going to say only what I wanted to convey. Not sure if that aproach will work for you but it's an idea.
If giving a speech is freaking you out my advce is to keep it simple. Keep it short. And keep it real. Nothing is worse than listening to someone give a speech that is out fo character for them and feels forced. If you're a serious guy, be serious. If humor is your thing do that. Don't be something you're not. You want it to be genuine not scripted. Make sense?
Other than that when his bride starts getting crazy he'll start to get crazy as a result. She'll also have a lot of stuff to do with her bridemaids leading up to the wedding day so there will be lots of opportunity for guys nights out. take that lead. Notice when the bride is occupied and get the guys together. Once married those opportunities come along less often, especially once kids enter the equation.
Re: Being a best man...
Been best man at a couple weddings....I just kinda go with the flow
Whatever u do, don't lose the ring, lol
Keep the groom from.freaking out, dont go too crazy on the bachelor party (at least me and my friends aren't the type to be like that) show up on time, toast the couple say a few words dance with the bride and the maid of honour
Fun times, enjoy it ends up being a whirlwind
Re: Being a best man...
I believe it's customary for the best man to do the bachlelor party.
I agreed to do it for a friend early last year. Not only did he trick me into it (there's a whole story where I was improperly put on the spot), then he had NO communication with me AT ALL for six entire months (I called him, I tried), then turns around and just drops me a line asking in two days can I go try on outfits that weekend, and I get an RSVP in the mail for a wedding in a different place, with a different theme, with an entirely different thing than I originally agreed to when he pitched it.
It pissed me off, and I felt used. It was his 2nd marriage, and I found out he was basically using anyone and everyone to try to get to pay for his wedding. When you're a 26-year old male, marrying a 50-year old woman (yes i'm serious) on BOTH of your's SECOND wedding, and the 50-year old woman is allowing the 26-year old man, both with a full time job to let HIS parents pay for his 2nd wedding. And he's basically using me to pay for his bachelor's party and constantly changing stuff after what I agreed to?
I backed out, and the whole thing with him blew sky high. 20 years in the garbage. Gone. I regret nothing. Fuck him.
- monkeychow
- Rep: 661
Re: Being a best man...
I'd summarise your roll is to make sure no one on the groom's side of things fucks up the wedding this means:
1. Be available as needed for any formal occasions: engagement party, wedding rehearsals or pre-wedding dinners, be there on the day and at the reception.
2. If he has some kind of a posse of other guys involved in the wedding - it can be your roll to marshall them into shape for stuff.
3. Mind the ring for the groom on the day if asked.
4. Give speech if asked...(can be funny, short, long, meaningful etc). Just keep in mind that most people consider this the most important day of the bride or grooms lives...so any jokes or embarrassing stories you tell need to be ok with EVERYONE there. For example - even if you and the groom have a blokey take the piss friendship - this doesn't mean the bride's mom will think it's ok for her to be embarrised when you humiliate the groom by talking about the night he accidentally fucked a lady-boy. Not saying you can have no fun - but keep in mind even if some people are cool with something - you need 100% of people in the room to think it was a perfect occasion or someone will be shat at you.
5. If the groom wants to have a bux/stag night...help organise and/or help pay for this event.
6. It's a little unofficial - but I consider it the role of the best man to help keep the groom in line that night too. Sure it's his last night of freedom or whatever. But realistically these days people get married after they've already been in a long term relationship for years - so the "one last night of sewing your wilding oats" thing has long since past. In this respect it's your roll to give the guy a good time - but not such a good time that it damages his relationship or ends the marriage. So you should have some pre-set rules going in before the night - and I mean talk it out - are strippers ok? What degree of fooling around with any flirty girl/stripper/hooker/whatever is going to be the cut off line....is it all-in, or is it ok to have a lap dance as long as he's not nude, is it ok to touch as long as theres no sex/kissing, is a kiss ok but no sex. Is it looking but no touching. is it no temptations and all and just a night of beer - video games or poker or whatever. This is different for different people and cultures but no where you are going to draw that line in advance and under no circumstances let him cross it once you get to the heat of the moment. Be ready for it. Keep in mind the rest of the drunken mates WILL be cheering for him to stick his whole head up the girl's asshole on stage....someone has to police what's going to happen. That's you.
7. As above - try to avoid anything that fucks with the wedding happening at the bux. No tattoos. No knock him out and he wakes up on a plane. No haircuts or long term changes to his appearance. It wants to be the party that ends all parties but if it's a party that ends the wedding then it's your fault as best man!
Re: Being a best man...
Damn guys, some GREAT advice in this thread, thanks a lot!
I do have to organise a stag party which is going to be a massive headache, also the wedding is fucking miles away from where we live so its gonnie require travel and an over night stay, plus I'll need a new suit and they'll no doubt want a wedding gift... and I'm completely broke at the moment. I'm going to end up borrowing money and getting in debt just for his wedding that he's known about for years but only asked me to do this with 7 weeks notice.
Re: Being a best man...
If he's a best pal he won't want you to go broke over him. The main thing is that he shouldn't be paying a dime on stag night. Everyone else in the group should pay their way including limos and rooms and the groom's bill. Just tell everyone you need x dollars and everyone will be cool.
Rent a tux or a suit if you don't wear them often. That saves a bundle. Also you've technically got a year for the gift so dont put yourself into hock. The main thing is foryou to keep the stress off him and just have a good time yourself.
