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Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
Ok so my friend and his girlfriend broke up last monday on Spring Break after having dated for around a year and a half. She was tired of him being an asshole all the time and cussing her out for petty shit. Well I've known the boyfriend for pretty much ever and he's one of my best friends. I met her through him and We've become best friends.
Now the problem comes from me inviting her to easter sunday, where it was me and some family. He got extremely pissed off and pretty much cussed both of us out.
The way I see it I didn't do anything wrong. She's a friend. I do have feelings for her, but I don't really see how that changes anything. I invited her with the intention of hanging out.
Another thing that complicates this situation is we're all in a band together(or were at least). I really like the way she sings but he won't have any part of the band unless she's out. So I have to kinda choose between someone I love, who's a good friend, or someone I've known forever who is a good friend too...
So comments on this? Was I in the Wrong? Is he Overeacting?
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
you want me to answer honestly?
you're in the wrong, you dont move in on your buddies woman, ex or not...but maybe its just me, different people have different opinions...
anyway its definately a touchy situation though, and i've never been in the same situation, so while its easy for me to say yeah thats wrong, at the same time love is a strange thing (sorrry for sounding cliche), on one hand..if she is "the one" and you let her go then you will regret it forever, but if you stay with her you run the risk of losing a freind, i definately dont envy your position 
good luck i'm sure whatever you decide will be the best thing for you 
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
Well, I mean I don't really have the intention of asking her out right now. I mean It was just to hang out. Not like we were doing anything. I don't know...I mean I just feel that he wouldn't have this problem if he wouldn't have treated her like shit. I mean she would call me or text me crying at least once a week, because of him. I'm someone she can talk to. And it's not exactly like she has the best home life either. She's also had a few problems involving some guys that I really would like to just line up against a wall with a shot gun in my hand...Her boyfriend didn't even support her with that much. went to the first couple of trials with her and then said it was too much stress on him...
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
Your friend fucked it up dude. She's free now and he is just an overly possessive guy. If your friend is going to break off your friendship over petty shit like that then fuck 'em I say.
We'll we're(kinda) back on speaking terms...Just can't mention her or anything or he gets pissed.
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
My buddy started going out with one of my exes while we were in high school. I was pissed, but it passed. Good friends may be harder to find than lovers, and you both will probably realize that. My buddy and I still keep in contact, and our little spat was almost 20 years ago.
My bigger concern for you is that this chick sounds like she sees you as the good guy friend and you see more potential in the relationship.
I've been in that situation before too. To this day I wonder what might have happenend if this girl who I adored would have seen us as a possible couple. I say be sure to find out from her before too long if she would be willing to date you. If she says no, just keep it as friends.
And for anyone else, I've also been engaged at one point to a woman I was with for eight years, then it fell apart.
I am a wealth of relationship advice. I've had lots of mistakes to learn from.
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
He may have not been the greatest boyfriend to her, but that doesn't mean the breakup isn't going to be rough for him for a while. Seeing one of his best buddies inviting his ex to an intimate family gathering over Easter had to feel like you were moving in on her or at the very least it may have seemed like you were choosing sides. He is still hurting and seeing you guys hang out closely like that is only going to add to his misery.
You're in a tough position because you are friends with both of them, but at the same time if you value his friendship you have to be aware of his feelings as well. Otherwise you can probably kiss the friendship goodbye.
You also have feelings for her. I don't know how you say it doesn't change anything. It changes everything. Do you honestly expect to be able to hang out with her while she is hurting over a breakup and expect nothing to ever happen?
Besides she's just dealing with a breakup and it seems as if she has some baggage so it might not be wise to get so close at this point.
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
strat.... you kind of made your move too quickly. Your buddy probably feels like you were eyeballing his girl all this time, and like a fox in the grass, you were waiting to pounce on the first sign of trouble.
But... life happens.
Your buddy, he'll either get over it or he won't. If you REALLY like this girl, then you should explore being with her officially. If he has a problem with that, he can either get on board with it, or fuck off frankly.
The bottom line is the whole 'bro code' thing is total bullshit created by men, who want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to split with their girl, but they want her to stay single just in case they change their mind. That's all it's about.
Now as far as the band thing goes, THAT might actually create the biggest problem. You might be put in a position to choose him or her in the band, and if you choose her, he's gonna be perminately pissed imo.
Ultimately if you are just going out with this girl, because she's there, you don't need to throw away a long-term friendship, just for a couple months of pussy.
- mickronson
- Rep: 118
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
gettin involved 5 seconds after a breakup is always bad..
well thats my life story
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
From experience, having a friend dating a girl you had a thing with and still care very much about, is a bit more than a passing phase.
