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Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
strat.... you kind of made your move too quickly. Your buddy probably feels like you were eyeballing his girl all this time, and like a fox in the grass, you were waiting to pounce on the first sign of trouble.
But... life happens.
Your buddy, he'll either get over it or he won't. If you REALLY like this girl, then you should explore being with her officially. If he has a problem with that, he can either get on board with it, or fuck off frankly.
The bottom line is the whole 'bro code' thing is total bullshit created by men, who want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to split with their girl, but they want her to stay single just in case they change their mind. That's all it's about.
Now as far as the band thing goes, THAT might actually create the biggest problem. You might be put in a position to choose him or her in the band, and if you choose her, he's gonna be perminately pissed imo.
Ultimately if you are just going out with this girl, because she's there, you don't need to throw away a long-term friendship, just for a couple months of pussy.
No I mean the thing is is that hes been to family holidays of mine too
and his family probably would have stopped by if they had been in town, but they were in Virginia. I don't know. Should I feel guilty? Honestly he's more torn up about it than she is becuase she's had to think about whether she wanted to end their relationship for about a month now.
I don't know. I feel slightly guilty, but like I said I had no intentions of asking her out this weekend(and I didn't). I mean we just hung out...
And as for a band I mean we jam about once a week. He's the lead guitarist, although I do know someone much better I don't know if I could get him and I value our friendship...
Just so confused...:|
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
My biggest question when I read all this is- Did you point out to him that he was treating her like shit throughout the time they were dating, or did you just stay out of it?
If you did, I think you have the leg to stand on that you told him he was fucking it up, but it obviously didn't matter to him.
- monkeychow
- Rep: 661
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
In my opinion the etiquite should be:
"If your buddy dumps the girl, there is a provisional waiting period to make sure he doesn't change his mind, then she's fair game, afterall he doesn't want her. But if the GIRL dumps your male friend, and he still wanted her, then she's off limits for life. The only exception to that rule would be if he himself tried to set you up for some reason."
So, according to my personal rules, I'd say you've probably done the wrong thing. Sorry. That said, sometimes when you're in love you got to do what you got to do.
I'd be mindful of what james was saying though. If she was attracted to him because he was an asshole in the first place it's not a good sign. Girls like that chop and change very easily. I'd also worry that any relationship with her might be so close to her relationship with him that she'd be confussed.
I'd be VERY careful as IMO this is the kind of situation where you could EASILY end up loosing both the girl AND your best friend. 
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
And as for a band I mean we jam about once a week. He's the lead guitarist, although I do know someone much better I don't know if I could get him and I value our friendship...
Just so confused...:|
You seem to be in between a rock and a hard place with the band. I tend to think almost any time someone says "it's either them or me", I'll go with the other person just because that attitude pisses me off.
If you don't want to completely lose a friend, don't start thinking about the replacement for the guy until after you get everything figured out there.
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
My biggest question when I read all this is- Did you point out to him that he was treating her like shit throughout the time they were dating, or did you just stay out of it?
If you did, I think you have the leg to stand on that you told him he was fucking it up, but it obviously didn't matter to him.
See that's the thing. I did. He always got pissed off and told me it was none of my buissness or to stay out of it. Well IMO it IS my buissness when her boyfriend is reducing her to tears on almost a daily basis.
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
In my opinion the etiquite should be:
"If your buddy dumps the girl, there is a provisional waiting period to make sure he doesn't change his mind, then she's fair game, afterall he doesn't want her. But if the GIRL dumps your male friend, and he still wanted her, then she's off limits for life. The only exception to that rule would be if he himself tried to set you up for some reason."
So, according to my personal rules, I'd say you've probably done the wrong thing. Sorry. That said, sometimes when you're in love you got to do what you got to do.
I'd be mindful of what james was saying though. If she was attracted to him because he was an asshole in the first place it's not a good sign. Girls like that chop and change very easily. I'd also worry that any relationship with her might be so close to her relationship with him that she'd be confussed.
I'd be VERY careful as IMO this is the kind of situation where you could EASILY end up loosing both the girl AND your best friend.
Well see that's the problem, he's changed alot since they've been going out. She's even said he's not the same person she was dating a year ago. I mean I moved about 30 miles away a few months ago, but before that I noticed the differences in him. And there was sometimes she felt like she was being used for sex because he would make up with her and screw her then the next day start yelling at her again. Which really sickens me with everything she's been through and him not being considerate of that.
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
strat0 wrote:she felt like she was being used for sex because he would make up with her and screw her then the next day start yelling at her again
They're definitely getting back together.
Wait...what? Your kidding....right?
- mickronson
- Rep: 118
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
great sex can keep a relationship alive a lot longer than its supposed to ...i know
