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Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
James Lofton wrote:strat0 wrote:she felt like she was being used for sex because he would make up with her and screw her then the next day start yelling at her again
They're definitely getting back together.
Wait...what? Your kidding....right?
Nope. Not at all. Its a cycle that a lot of people actually like. Its why total assholes have girlfriends and why women with low self esteem have a sex life.
She's not looking for the "good guy" to comfort her and have a stable, long lasting relationship. She's looking for the asshole who will fuck her brains out, treat her like shit, have a "lovers quarrel", then fuck her brains out. Repeat cycle.
I don't play these games(as I consider women who do the lowest of the low), but I have known women over the years that do.
Vomit inducing.
I have nothing against a relationship based on sex, but I could(and will) never like a woman who doesn't even like themselves.
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
^ Yeah the number of times I have known girls that are with guys that treat them like shit, yet they keep going back time and again for more. Even if they break up they simply move on to another guy that treats them the same way.
I've been the "nice friend" on the sidelines plenty of times. It hasn't done me any good at all. You're are a shoulder to cry on and "so nice" but that's as far as you get.
I remember asking one of them once why she keeps going for guys that treat her like shit, and she said because it makes her feel really good when he is an asshole to everyone (including her at times) but then is really good to her, it makes her feel special. 
Yeah she knew that was kinda fucked up but just couldn't breat the cycle. I agree with James' comment, quite a few years ago I made the decision not to waste time (and try and save) these type of girls that don't have enough respect for themselves to break the cycle and recognise that they deserve better.
BTW - not saying this is the case with the girl in your story Strat0, just talking about girls liking bad guys.
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
Axlin08 wrote:strat.... you kind of made your move too quickly. Your buddy probably feels like you were eyeballing his girl all this time, and like a fox in the grass, you were waiting to pounce on the first sign of trouble.
But... life happens.
Your buddy, he'll either get over it or he won't. If you REALLY like this girl, then you should explore being with her officially. If he has a problem with that, he can either get on board with it, or fuck off frankly.
The bottom line is the whole 'bro code' thing is total bullshit created by men, who want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to split with their girl, but they want her to stay single just in case they change their mind. That's all it's about.
Now as far as the band thing goes, THAT might actually create the biggest problem. You might be put in a position to choose him or her in the band, and if you choose her, he's gonna be perminately pissed imo.
Ultimately if you are just going out with this girl, because she's there, you don't need to throw away a long-term friendship, just for a couple months of pussy.
No I mean the thing is is that hes been to family holidays of mine too
and his family probably would have stopped by if they had been in town, but they were in Virginia. I don't know. Should I feel guilty? Honestly he's more torn up about it than she is becuase she's had to think about whether she wanted to end their relationship for about a month now.I don't know. I feel slightly guilty, but like I said I had no intentions of asking her out this weekend(and I didn't). I mean we just hung out...
And as for a band I mean we jam about once a week. He's the lead guitarist, although I do know someone much better I don't know if I could get him and I value our friendship...
Just so confused...:|
Well, and like others have pointed out, it becomes majorly tricky, because she dumped him. If he had dumped her, and you made your move, most cool non-possessive guys would've probably been like "fine dude, best of fuckin' luck" and would've laughed it off, because they would've been sick of her shit, in theory.
But for her to dump him, then hang with you, is like rubbing salt in the wound.
Despite your friendship with the girl, me thinks she might be using you to do exactly what is happening right now. Make him jealous as hell.
And the only person in the end that gets hurt - you.
Women (i'm gonna piss some people off with this...) are practically born to play mind games. And even when the good ones don't think they do, they do in some way, shape or form.
So if you hang with her again, in the near future, pay attention to her body language and try to perceive how she acts around you.
You could be in the "you're a good friend" category, and that pretty much is the kiss of death for any kind of serious relationship.
I've seen girls time and again, enough to make me slam my head against a wall, that will get sick of their boyfriend being an asshole, leave him, hook up with a really cool, good guy, and wind up going back to the asshole. Some of them enjoy the fuckin' drama to be honest.
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
Dude just find another girl. And probably another friend. Sounds like has some problems. Still doesn't make it cool to "im not picking up on her but i DO like her and but I just wanna hang out" it. Which by the way... I shouldnt have to point out why thats ridiculous. Clearly you want the girl and are picking up on her one way or another. "just hanging out" or not
There's different fish in the sea man.
- Randall Flagg
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Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
What a bunch of turn coats in this thread. 
Bros before Hos man. Listen, I assume you haven't dated anyone recently and as this guy was close to you (you said you were in a band) you kind of had a vicarious relationship with his girlfriend whom you got to know. You're her cuddle whore man. She comes to you for emotional support and fucks him. I've been there man. Don't delude yourself into thinking it's going to happen, cause it's not.
Now if you really think you have a chance, fucking make your move. Tell her how you feel. Don't string it along cause she knows that she's pissing off your friend and she'll let you be used if you let her. I have been there before in almost this same scenario. Unfortunately for me, I made my move, got rejected, and was stillt oo dumb to give up the dream and continued to let her use me thinking she'd see the light.
You'll have to learn this on your own of course, but a few months from now if you remember this, you'll say "Fuck, Flagg was right."
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
I don't think you're "moving in" on her, but I find it odd you invited her over for Easter?? Strange, I don't think I would have, meeting w/family & all. I think Big Bri said it earlier, you're setting yourself up into "friends" territory, not a path you'll want to go down. Esp with your buddies ex.
Is she your bands lead singer though? If so, keep her in the band still. Tell your buddy that's just a business decision.
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
strat0 wrote:James Lofton wrote:They're definitely getting back together.
Wait...what? Your kidding....right?
Nope. Not at all. Its a cycle that a lot of people actually like. Its why total assholes have girlfriends and why women with low self esteem have a sex life.
She's not looking for the "good guy" to comfort her and have a stable, long lasting relationship. She's looking for the asshole who will fuck her brains out, treat her like shit, have a "lovers quarrel", then fuck her brains out. Repeat cycle.
I don't play these games(as I consider women who do the lowest of the low), but I have known women over the years that do.
Vomit inducing.
I have nothing against a relationship based on sex, but I could(and will) never like a woman who doesn't even like themselves.
But that's the thing James, they're relationship wasn't based on sex. The only reason she didn't break up with him earlier is that she hoped he would change back into that thoughtful guy and friend we both knew.
And t whoever else: Even if we don't work out, whether we date or not, and whatever we go through, I'll still be her friend. I'm not the kind of person that just because we went out I'm going to completely excommunicate her.
That's just not me and will never happen, and I guess that's what is really pissing me off is that her ex is trying to make me pick between her or him. I don't want to take sides. I value both their friendship.
And as for the band we had a Lacuna Coil setup going on where there really wasn't much of a lead singer...It was her and a friend of mine both singing.
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
What a bunch of turn coats in this thread.
Now if you really think you have a chance, fucking make your move. Tell her how you feel. Don't string it along cause she knows that she's pissing off your friend and she'll let you be used if you let her. I have been there before in almost this same scenario. Unfortunately for me, I made my move, got rejected, and was stillt oo dumb to give up the dream and continued to let her use me thinking she'd see the light.
You'll have to learn this on your own of course, but a few months from now if you remember this, you'll say "Fuck, Flagg was right."
Now the Walkin' Dude is 100% on this. Not necessarily bros before ho's, but the rest is solid.
The second part really grabbed me. "Make your fuckin' move". Totally right, and I can't stress enough how much I agree with him. I've been there also, and you have to have enough self-respect and confidence, that when you make your move, and are rejected... to walk away.
Like the Gambler, "know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em".
When someone initially rejects you, it is not your responsibility to MAKE them see the light. They either like you or not. There is no such thing as 'making someone like/love you'. They either do or they don't. Love is something that grows, but like is instant.
If you have to sit there, and convince some dumb bitch (no offense - in general), to like you and want to be with you, she's stupid as hell and a waste of your time.
I have seen it all before. Better to walk away, and live your life, and be with people who TRUELY want to be around/with you. And if she one day sees the light, and wants you, and feels she made a bad decision, tell her.... "that ship sailed. That offer was on the table then, when I needed you, and you passed. Tough luck."
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
Don't pick sides. Like I said, they'll be together again and you're the odd man out.
Back in the 90s when I lived in MO a few years, my friend Brian was having some difficulty with his girlfriend. She went to stay with her parents for awhile. While drinking with him, he was ranting about this bitch, so I decided to listen, play a long, and tell him my feelings about her. Those feelings weren't positive.
She was back there two days later. To say hanging out with these two afterwards was uncomfortable would be an understatement. Obviously this isn't the same situation as I had nothing to do with the woman and didn't like her, but when you "take sides" in personal issues of others, you wind up being the person with egg on your face.
