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Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
Yes but we're still teens. And like you said not all of them are like that, and I know for a fact she's not like that.
But she IS like that. If she wasn't like that she wouldn't have stayed with him as long as she did, nevermind giving him another chance. She's obviously someone with issues and you'd be better off with finding another girl.
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
PaSnow wrote:I'm also with James' lowest-common-denominator description of these type relationships. Note: Not saying ALL girls are like this, but the ones who are, always are. & will be. I could never truly figure it all out as to why, but yeah, they sound like a perfect match. Until she gets a few years older, and thinks she's met someone better. When in fact, he's the exact same type dde, and same type relationship. Same shit, different guy. I've given up trying to figure it out, and I try not to have much time for girls like that. Hell, at this point I'm too old for that shit anyway.
Yes but we're still teens. And like you said not all of them are like that, and I know for a fact she's not like that.
Yes she is. You'll come to realize this later on down the road. It may seem like she isn't, but perception greatly varies from reality when love interest is involved.
suicidal over a chick as a teen...damn youthful emotions
I know this was a joke Neemo, but it's exactly that kind of mentality that prevents a lot of adults from being able to stop teen suicide.
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
strat0 wrote:Yes but we're still teens. And like you said not all of them are like that, and I know for a fact she's not like that.
But she IS like that. If she wasn't like that she wouldn't have stayed with him as long as she did, nevermind giving him another chance. She's obviously someone with issues and you'd be better off with finding another girl.
No she's not. He hasn't always been an asshole. he used to be pretty kind and a cool guy. Then about 4 months ago he just kinda changed and became a real douche...
The reason they were together so long is because everything was good and they had a good relationship for over a year...
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
suicidal over a chick as a teen...damn youthful emotions
i hope you and your freinds work it out bro, but as a teen? man you got your whole life to find the right girl and remember that longterm freindships are hard to come by, dont throw it away for a peice of pie
I'm tired of people saying that! Damn makes me think that you all think I just want to get in her pants. I'm not that insensitive. She's been through alot(Not gonna get in to that due to respect of her). And I have more respect for her than that. I'm not the type of guy that treats a woman as a piece of meat that can be thrown out after it's been used enough. Guys like that make me sick.
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Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
Strat0...I know you arn't going to want to hear this at the place you are now...but the best thing you could possibly do is attempt to disconnect from this and find a new girl to focus your attention on.
It's probably incorrect for some in this thread to automaticly assume the players in this story will behave the same way the people they know do, but at the same time...there isn't really any way this thing can end positive from your end. You will either loose the girl, the friend, or more than likely both. How could it play out that you didn't? It's not like he could ever accept you and her dating, and that's even assuming she doesn't act the way many on here think.
I would recommend making an attempt to patch things over with him, and finding a new girl for you to fall in love with. I know that sucks. But it just looks to me like this is a road to unahappy places.
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
suicidal over a chick as a teen...damn youthful emotions
I know this was a joke Neemo, but it's exactly that kind of mentality that prevents a lot of adults from being able to stop teen suicide.
in all fairness maybe the joke was in bad taste, but i've been there myself and i've coached a couple people through some depressing situtation...my appologies for those offended, it is nt a laughing matter..its hard to tell this to younger people, or more like for them to understand, but life does go on....my brother was really bummed out after losing his gf, but now hes met a wonderful girl and they've been together for years, i cant imagine him without her..at the time though her thought it was all over, but ya pick up the peices and move on...in fact both of my brothers went through similar situations...maybe its a pretty common occurance ...again i didnt mean to blow off the suicidal thing...but there are also people who use the suicidal card as a ploy...in this case it appears to me to be the case but what do i know, i dont know the poeple involved in any capacity...but think about it...2 male friends fighting over a girl...sometimes battles of love are pretty fucking underhanded
Neemo wrote:suicidal over a chick as a teen...damn youthful emotions
i hope you and your freinds work it out bro, but as a teen? man you got your whole life to find the right girl and remember that longterm freindships are hard to come by, dont throw it away for a peice of pie
I'm tired of people saying that! Damn makes me think that you all think I just want to get in her pants. I'm not that insensitive. She's been through alot(Not gonna get in to that due to respect of her). And I have more respect for her than that. I'm not the type of guy that treats a woman as a piece of meat that can be thrown out after it's been used enough. Guys like that make me sick.
teenagers are unlikely to carry a relationship for a long time...does it happen? sure, but chances are low that a reltaionship at a young age will be a lasting one..how long have your freind and this girl been dating? man i've been together with my wife for 12+ years...and yeah i've been a teenager once, i remember what the feelings are like, i havent been in my 30s forever 
anyway i'm not insinuating thats all you wanted out of her, or that you want it at all...fuck i dont even know what i'm saying now 
ok .... step back, deep breath.... first off, her re-entering a relationship because of a threat is a bad idea...secondly, inviting your freinds ex to an intimate family function is a bad idea...especially if he still has feelings....third if you got feelings for this girl enough to want to comfort her in a time of sadness, then there are underlying desires whether you wanna admit them or not, fourth, the best you can do is try to prove to your buddy you meant nothing by hanging with his woman during the breakup, and try to keep things at an arms length with her, but for better or worse i think your relationship with both will now become "weird", finally try to be a neutral party for both of them, they are bound to hit another rocky patch
one more thing, as for guys "like that" making you sick....i can count on one hand how many relationships i've had...but i would never....ever move in on my freinds ex's, maybe its just some fucked up moral thing i have (and i dont mean that i think you are a bad person for doing what you did), but i could not jepordise a freindship on the off chance that i could have a long term relationship with some girl....maybe its her that makes the relationship rocky in the first place...would you trade his misery for yours? i have friends that i've been close with for 25 years, you cannot replace that type of freindship...and the right woman "will" come along...hell i didnt even meet my wife until i was in my early-mid twenties
i'm sorry that you've had this happen to you, and i wont speak again on the subject...ultimately you will need to make your own choices, for better or worse...i should have never commented in the first place
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
Neemo I value your oppinion. Most of yours for that matter. You all have more expierence than me with this kinda stuff, and as I've said I had no intention of asking her out. We really were just hanging out. We've done that efore and we will continue hanging out no matter if he likes it or not, BUT i can say i have never or will never try and make any moves on her without at least first warning him or waiting until a good deal of time after they broke up, and then I'd still run it by him.
Yeah idk. I mean this whole thing is hard since none of you know the whole story but
1. I wasn't going to ask her out without checking with him first.
2. I love her enough that I can respect and move on with things if we are meant to be no more than friends
3. He's not mad at me anymore. He knows as well as me and her know that for now we're just good friends, and I would never betray him like that with her unless he was just being obssesive.
4. It's not awkward because both me and the girl and him have known each other for so long that at least for me and her we will always be friends.
5. idk. kinda confused. I'm gonna sleep on this and all I can say is that I support ger giving him a chance to change, and that hopefully he'll take it. If not, Hey he can't say noone told him he fucked up or didnt get another chance.
Maybe I can sleep on it and make all the stress go away 
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
There's nothing to be confused about. It goes back to what all of us told you. You're a shoulder to cry on bro. Always will be. It will never change under any circumstance, UNLESS and I mean this is a rare exception, if she is so comfortable with you, that she's willing to accept you out of pure proximity, rather than taking a chance on someone new, IF and this is another long-shot, she ever perminately leaves him anyways.
Girls are a weird creature, and yes we shouldn't generalize, but for the most part this has stayed pretty true. For some weird reason, i'm still trying to find the answer too, why the hell women will stick with a man, they can't talk to, they can't connect with, that doesn't provide them with what they want... but they get a guy friend who's all of these things, and they simply call him a "good friend", and never think of him in a serious manner.
I know she's your friend, and if you can handle just that... cool. But it seems to me in your posts, that you are in a position of unrequited love. There is nothing more painful, let me tell you.
But you have to look at all of this as a positive. Misery loves company. She's gonna repeat the cycle (like James mentioned), so is he, and they'll go round and round. Meanwhile, you seperating yourself from it, you'll be the better. Her taking him back was a bonehead move, and it showed she doesn't have the backbone to make tough decisions and stick with them. She gave in, and that's a sign of her weakness. Not her love. If she loved him, she'd continued to play hard ball with 'til she knew he was definitively genuine with her.
No I mean the only reason she did this is because he was suicidal. And I have a feeing that with the depression she's had she would commit suicide if he did because she would feel to blame.
Without understanding why your buddy suddenly became a douche bag 4 months ago, or maybe a causing effect, i'm gonna guess he's just a selfish asshole, that takes her for granted, and thinks the world revolves around him. And if you needed any proof for that claim, his sudden "suicidal" pretty much proves it. Only nutty, totally self-absorbed narcissists pull shit like that. That's not a cry for help, that's not inbalance, nothing. That is a power struggle for a kicking and screaming little baby (him) to get his way.
NOW, she's REALLY screwed. 'Cause now he KNOWS he owns her ass. He's got a card to play that she'll give in to. So he'll continue to use and abuse her, and she'll say "thanks, gimme some more", and anytime she gets a bellyfull, she'll take off, he'll threaten to kill himself, and she'll take him back, and the cycle will repeat. I guarantee you this happens again. And now that he knows he CONTROLS THE FULL SITUATION WITHOUT DOUBT, he'll run the show and her even more. So his douchebaggery will continue, if not have the volume turned up.
The best thing you can do, is stay strictly platonic friends with them, and NEVER and I mean NEVER get involved in their quarrels, and certaintly don't invite her to Easter, without him being with her.
With all that Monday morning quarterbacking finished, strat... you sound like a smart guy. You'll make the right decision imo.
Re: Am I Moving in on his Girl?
Acquiesce wrote:strat0 wrote:Yes but we're still teens. And like you said not all of them are like that, and I know for a fact she's not like that.
But she IS like that. If she wasn't like that she wouldn't have stayed with him as long as she did, nevermind giving him another chance. She's obviously someone with issues and you'd be better off with finding another girl.
No she's not. He hasn't always been an asshole. he used to be pretty kind and a cool guy. Then about 4 months ago he just kinda changed and became a real douche...
The reason they were together so long is because everything was good and they had a good relationship for over a year...
People show their true colors as they get more comfortable with each other. Just about everyone is fake in the beginning of the relationship.
I had a good relationship for over a year as well. Then what happened? She cheated on me and turned crazy. This happened about half a year ago. I would never give her a second chance. She showed me her true colors and it wasn't what I thought I was in love with. I was in love with her, but it turns out that was the more fake part of her.
I've had relationships in the past that turned sour, we ended it (not always on good terms), and then got back together later. It's good for a little while, and then most likely goes the same way it did before. People rarely change.
in all fairness maybe the joke was in bad taste, but i've been there myself and i've coached a couple people through some depressing situtation...my appologies for those offended, it is nt a laughing matter..its hard to tell this to younger people, or more like for them to understand, but life does go on....my brother was really bummed out after losing his gf, but now hes met a wonderful girl and they've been together for years, i cant imagine him without her..at the time though her thought it was all over, but ya pick up the peices and move on...in fact both of my brothers went through similar situations...maybe its a pretty common occurance ...again i didnt mean to blow off the suicidal thing...but there are also people who use the suicidal card as a ploy...in this case it appears to me to be the case but what do i know, i dont know the poeple involved in any capacity...but think about it...2 male friends fighting over a girl...sometimes battles of love are pretty fucking underhanded
I know you didn't mean anything by that joke, and I wasn't offended one bit.
I just have been kinda defensive about this subject lately because a 10 year old girl just hung herself where I live. It's hard to explain to kids that old what happened. It's hard to explain to teenagers that their love leaving them isn't the end of the world, when they feel that's all they have. I just hate adults who act like teenage problems don't mean anything because 'they don't know what real suffering is.' (to paraphrase some people I know personally)
