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Re: Highschool mistakes and changing.
I know everybody changes in high school. Its a fact. People change, they try new things and they make mistakes. So my dilemma is this:
Someone who I love very much is hanging out with some people that I know will get her fucked up. Possibly big time. I mean I don't really care if she smokes a bit or drinks a bit, but I'm worried about her getting into heavier stuff like coke. I mean her biological dad does drugs and she's said plenty of times she doesn't want to end up like him, but I mean the people she's hanging with I'm pretty sure are already, or will be within the next few years, into some heavy stuff.
What do I do, If anything?
Re: Highschool mistakes and changing.
If her dad does drugs she has probably seen enough to know the downsides of drugs and wise enough to make her own decisions rather than submit to peer pressure. She says she doesnt want to end up like her dad, but if she has started hanging out with these guys, mabye she doesnt completely disagree with that lifestyle.
But in the end she will do what she wants to do and make her own choices, I dont know if you can say anything that would sway her. 
When I was 15 I boozed, smoked weed, took speed, E, tried coke and a variety of pills - everybody I hung out with did it. The weekends we all just got fucked up out our minds. Then they started dabbling in heroin and that just wasnt a drug I wanted to mess with, I knew the danger. I still hung out with them and they smoked it in front of me all the time but I still was never tempted.
So I hung in there for a while and seen the deterioration of them all and then eventually I pretty much severed ties with them. They all became full blown junkies and I stopped even smoking weed, it just didnt appeal to me any more.
But I had the same choices as them at the beginning, I just made different ones. Nobody forced any of them to take heroin, they chose to and I chose not to.
- monkeychow
- Rep: 661
Re: Highschool mistakes and changing.
Yeah..from my perspective best support you can be is a life boat in the peer pressure arena. someone to back her up if she's saying 'no' and copping shit for it. But u want to stay away from lecturing her, as then if she does experiment she might think you are judging her now and will hide her activities from you until she's so deep in its harder to get her out. But at the same time, it can be useful to see that a person can be 'straight' and still having a good time, leading the rock lifestyle kinda thing too...So i'd try and be there for her regardless of her choices, and don't kinda try to be her dad, while at the same time being an example of a good choice myself....
Re: Highschool mistakes and changing.
k...yeah I see what you guys mean. I mean It's just that we live like 20 miles away from each other but are in different counties so I don't see her everyday and stuff, and a concert I went to Friday made me realize who some of the people she was hanging out with were. I mean a lot of them are people I still hang out with but a few were people I distanced myself from even in middle school cause I knew they were smoking, and drinking back then. I mean don't get me wrong, I smoked a bit at the concert (cigs still quite a bit underage too) and I have drunk from time to time (at school most of the time)
I'm just worried she'll get trashed one night and will get messed up on something. But, I guess there's not much I can do If I'm not there.
Idk. I guess I just worry so much cause I love her.
Re: Highschool mistakes and changing.
If she's really getting fucking up, and heading down a wrong path, then knowing what I know now, if I was younger, yes. I would say something too her. I'm sure it will help her understand that someone out there does care. Also, myb at times she doesn't want to hang out with them, doesn't want to do what they do, and sometimes is scared of them. But there's nobody else she wants to hang out with either. This will let her know, that if she ever becomes afraid, you'll be there for her.
However, on the other hand, myb she just likes you as a friend. But wants to 'be' with other guys. It's a tough call, A quick story to help you make a decision though, at the end of my senior year, the cutest girl in my grade (and not necisarily the bitchiest, prob the one I would've liked to've tried to hang out with, but couldn't) wrote in her yearbook statement "It is better to regret what you have done, then what you have failed to do".
I always regretted not talking to her more trying to become friends, even though I would've made a fool outta myself. In other words, when in doubt, do it.
Re: Highschool mistakes and changing.
If she's really getting fucking up, and heading down a wrong path, then knowing what I know now, if I was younger, yes. I would say something too her. I'm sure it will help her understand that someone out there does care. Also, myb at times she doesn't want to hang out with them, doesn't want to do what they do, and sometimes is scared of them. But there's nobody else she wants to hang out with either. This will let her know, that if she ever becomes afraid, you'll be there for her.
However, on the other hand, myb she just likes you as a friend. But wants to 'be' with other guys. It's a tough call, A quick story to help you make a decision though, at the end of my senior year, the cutest girl in my grade (and not necisarily the bitchiest, prob the one I would've liked to've tried to hang out with, but couldn't) wrote in her yearbook statement "It is better to regret what you have done, then what you have failed to do".
I always regretted not talking to her more trying to become friends, even though I would've made a fool outta myself. In other words, when in doubt, do it.
See the problem is that we go to different schools now, so I'm not around her everyday. I mean we talk and text all day long, and I did talk to her about it and she say she wouldn't but It still worries me that there's the possibility.
Re: Highschool mistakes and changing.
She's gonna have to make her own mistakes. Like others have stated, she sees the downside of drugs before, and if you see her just remind her she has a friend, and someone who cares, and not to get lost in something like that.
That's really the best you can do.
I had a cousin, that I considered more like a brother, that had an alcoholic, druggie, abusive father, and swore up and down, and fought hard against pressure to NEVER become his father.... and he ended up just like him.
But if you hold the mirror up, and tell him... he hates you, and rationalizes, and swears up and down he's nothing like his father.
So my advice is handle this one with kid gloves. Don't say the phrase "you don't want to end up like your father", because phrases like tend to incite and infuriate these people, and they then turn around and run right to those vices, as a really strange way to prove to you how wrong you are.
She's going to have to live her life, like I said just remind her she has a friend, and someone who cares. But that's really the best you can do. You can't protect and save the world, i've tried - and failed, several times.
