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- Topics: Active | Unanswered
Re: Friends...
A follow up to the popular "woman" thread...
So hear this;
In my area there are very, very few people my age interested in historic aviation. I met one guy on Facebook, and he does the same trips as me, if not more. Duxford, Old Warden etc, all those lovely aircraft spots in England. So, naturally, we should have plenty to talk about.
My wife always says I need more friends, and while it's not on first prio, friends are always fun. If they're not dumb, annoying or have nothing in common with me. So, she insisted I'd go on the offensive with this guy (sounds like I want a date!). I decided to tell him we should meet up for a beer at Duxford this summer. He was all for it on Facebook, saying it should have been done a long time ago. So, we were on, phone numbers exchanged, ready for that manly beer.
Coming that weekend in july, I accidentally ran into him, his girlfriend and another friend in front of some of the warbirds taking place in the show. I was with my bro and another guy. He was a joyful character. Said he enjoyed my book, and asked if I have anything else planned (almost everyone does). I gave him the regular answer; a translation to english in progress, I have a master degree and work to think about, but I always write. He threw off some weird jokes I didn't get. At one point I thought he was making fun of me. I actually had to ask my bro about it later, just what the hell it was about. My bro said it was nothing really, so I settled with that. Alright, still a beer on for the next day.
Coming Sunday, I was alone at Duxford, having refused to follow my groups plans to go to London. I wanted flying warbirds, not static ones in London. Perfect time to make new friends. I sent him a message at 10:00am, asking if so and so place would be ok at 12:00. He answered with a lukewarm "I will see if I can work it out".
Two hours to spare, I walked most of the airfield down to the media enclosure. I had access as I was writing for a magazine that day. Coming 11:30, I got up and walked the 15 minute walk up to the beer stand, and bought a beer. He was nowhere to be seen.
10 minutes past 12:00 I got a message from him saying he couldn't make it because he ended up at the wrong end of the airfield. In other words, the area I had just left myself. I replied in a cheerfull mood and said "next time then", and drank my beer.
Coming home afterwords, he still does the odd bits on FB, "liking" my pictures from the weekend etc etc and I sometimes return the favour, but there's nothing more going on.
I don't know, I just find these things strange. There will be no further invitations coming from me, that's for sure.
I mean, what are the tricks to make new friends? I have my old friends, but I sure as hell would like someone with the same interests.
Have our society reached a stage where you simply can't make friends anymore, either due to be scared the other might be gay, or have we retracted even further into our homes, not opening it to anyone anymore?
- metallex78
- Rep: 194
Re: Friends...
I find I make friends pretty easily, I'm pretty laid back, and easy going and that kinda attracts people wanting to be friends with me.
But I get where you're coming from. I have a really strong group of friends that I've known for most of my life, and will be friends with until the day I die.
And while I have made new friends with other people over the years, it is hard to get new people into your social group as you get older. And maybe for guys it is the whole "homophobic" tendency, about just two older hetero dudes hanging out together.
But me and my male friends embrace our inner "bromance" 
and I really look forward to those times with my mates. To me, that's no different than girls needing to spend time with their girlfriends.
- monkeychow
- Rep: 661
Re: Friends...
Yeah....i'd be interested to know how old you are DCK?
Personally i'm 33, and I've noted that while I do still make new friends, as metallex pointed out, intergrating a new friend into the social circle on a more perminant or closer basis seems to become harder.
That is, I've always had my close mates who i've hung out with since school days, and they come and go, and always come back. But i find when i make new friends from a job or around, we might see each other for specific purposes here and there, but it takes a number of years to get to the place where I'd be with an old mate - who i might call simply to hang out cos I'm bored or something.
Also, i think a big factor is people's familys and stuff. My friendship group doesn't meet anywhere near like it used to, because most of us are married and have kids and so on these days, and people simply don't have the time to get together.
Myself I'm not in that situation, so for me I'm still around to play on the weekend like I was at 17 (which is either real cool or really sad depending on your perspective!) - but that's not the case for 90% of my friends.
Another thing i've noted, no disrespect to the younger members, but I think Gen Y people tend to be a lot more likely to break appointments with you, which is something I've noted from all the friends i've made on my return back to college. To a Gen X guy like me - if I orginise to meet you in some bar in the middle of the night - and it's a pain in the ass to go - if you don't show up i get annoyed - do it more than once and I get a bit like "fuck you why will I bother" - but that doesnt seem to be the case with the youngins, they constantly stand each other up even and it's all good. For example a girl in my class recently tried to hold a party, none of my cohorts even answered her invitation, and she doesn't seem in the least but hurt by that. Myself I'd not be sending out too many more offers of friendship in her situation!
Re: Friends...
monkey, I'm 30 in a few months time. Same generation as you basically. The dude was 34.
Really interesting your last paragraph. I've seen that myself with a few of my friends. One guy I know constantly changes his apointments, depending on who reached him the last. He says yes to everyone, but only goes with one plan.
Like axlin said, if u got a girl u dont need friends. 
And while you can get far on that, I do believe friends are alright too!
Like tonight, I'm going to a Jorn Lande show (singer from Masterplan etc) with a very old friend. We met up again on Facebook (see..not all bad with FB axlin) and since the guy is older than me, I think he's like 36, he had no hesitation asking if I wanted to go.
I dumped all my friends from elementary school. Found them boring, not interests worth the bother. Some could say that was a mistake, and I've regretted it. I don't regret it any more though.
Re: Friends...
I guess for me, i've always had a couple friends around. Whether it be a childhood friend of mine, whom i've known since he was born. My father, a cousin, chum from school. Something like that.
There's always one or two people floating around. So I guess i've always taken it for granted.
Another thing i've noted, no disrespect to the younger members, but I think Gen Y people tend to be a lot more likely to break appointments with you, which is something I've noted from all the friends i've made on my return back to college. To a Gen X guy like me - if I orginise to meet you in some bar in the middle of the night - and it's a pain in the ass to go - if you don't show up i get annoyed - do it more than once and I get a bit like "fuck you why will I bother" - but that doesnt seem to be the case with the youngins, they constantly stand each other up even and it's all good. For example a girl in my class recently tried to hold a party, none of my cohorts even answered her invitation, and she doesn't seem in the least but hurt by that. Myself I'd not be sending out too many more offers of friendship in her situation!
Bullshit. She's dying inside. There isn't a girl alive in any generation, that wouldn't take that in the ass and at least wince. Socializing, especially with so-called friends is virtually everything to most girls. A guy actually would get over quicker, if ever affected. Worst they would ever do is call the guys "assholes", and never set anything like that up again.
I assume the only reason this girl you know is going with the flow is because she's desperate, these "friends" of her's are all she's got going on, so she's not gonna rock the boat with people who barely give a shit anyways. It's them or nothing.
A girl will always take bad friends over no friends. Most guys are the complete opposite. It's easier for guys to be angry loners. It's like in our genetic makeup or something.
Re: Friends...
I worry about my friendships a lot, simply because I don't have time to hang out much anymore. A wife and three kids, throw in a job with night hours, and my social life is pretty nonexistent outside of family.
I think it just comes and goes. Axlin08 nailed it though. If you have a woman, it doesn't matter too much.
Re: Friends...
10 years ago, I sat in some small shack discussing GNR online with not a single friend in sight. I was 19-20. Should have been the greatest time to be alive. It sucked. Can never have it back, but if anyone is in that position, all I can say is that things does change for the better.
