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Re: Insomnia
Hello, this is something I wrote. If anyone has time I would love feedback.
Insomnia
Romance awakens the unconscious
And in heartbreak it never sleeps
An insomnia of revelations
Shattered promises, we swore to keep
Paper tigers and Icarus wings
Fly to the sun, when the siren sings
Oedipus eyes to navigate the maze
False bravado, caught in the minotaur’s gaze
Your Prometheus Kiss
Stole the fire from my heart
The eagle is my friend
But you tear me apart
Luscious lips and Freudian slips
Red herrings lead me into loving arms
Denial is the architect of illusion
On a night of cold truth
- monkeychow
- Rep: 661
Re: Insomnia
the last line needs tweaking but its good!
if it was me i'd try to rhyme something with "illusion" at the end, just to keep the flow
"Luscious lips and Freudian slips
Red herrings lead me into loving arms
denial is the architect of illusion
on a night where i realized delusion"
or something 
never claimed to be a poet....anyway my line of thinking is that you have a rhyming pattern of lines 2/4, 3/4, 2/4 then the last stanza just doenst rhyme at all...unless that is the intent to do some kind of Haiku or something .... if its intentional then my apologies 
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